


Terezi: Be The Legislacerator You Always Dreamed Of Being

by AOrange



Series: Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip [15]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Hanging, Meteorstuck, Poptarts, Quadrant Vacillation, dave dies but doesnt stay dead, legislacerator, trigger warning: the mayor gets upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 18:43:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOrange/pseuds/AOrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CGC: 4S YOU KNOW, D4V3 H4S R3FUS3D TO 4TT3ND THREE M34LS 1N 4 ROW<br/>CGC: 4ND TH4T TH3 PUN1SHM3NT FOR TH1S K1ND OF 1NSUBORD1N4T1ON 1S TO B3 H4NG3D BY TH3 THRO4T UNT1L H3 1S D34D<br/>CGC: OR UNT1L TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR G3TS BOR3D BUT L3TS F4C3 1T TH4T'S N3V3R GO1NG TO H4PP3N<br/>CGC: 4NYW4Y<br/>CGC: YOU'R3 4LL 1NV1T3D TO COM3 4ND W4TCH!<br/>PAST tentacleTherapist [PTT] TWO HOURS AGO replied to memo.<br/>PTT: Are you actually going to go through with this, Terezi?<br/>CGC: Y34H, H3'LL G3T B3TTER</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Open Memos

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 is memo logs, Chapter 2 is more traditional fic. Enjoy!

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board Daily Nutritional Requirements Are Not Being Met

CGA: It Has Come To My Attention That We Have Been Travelling On This Meteor For Approximately Six Perigees Now  
CGA: And That In Those Six Perigees I Have Only Witnessed Dave Eat Earth Vegetables Twice Of His Own Free Will  
CGA: Additionally We Have Been Going For Days Without Seeing One Another  
CGA: I Therefore Am Proposing That We Impose A Thrice Weekly Group Meal In Order To Keep A Closer Watch On One Another  
CGA: Which You Are All Required To Attend Or Else There Will Be Severe Consequences   
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 10 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.   
FGC: 1'V3 4LR34DY H4NG3D D4V3 1N TH3 TOWN SQUAR3. >;]   
PAST turntechGodhead [PTG] 126 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.   
PTG: say what now  
PTG: shit tz  
PTG: you actually hang me  
PTG: like with a fuckin noose and shit   
FGC: 1T'S OK4Y  
FGC: 1 W41T3D UNT1L YOU W3R3 4SL33P   
PTG: so you drag me out of bed   
PTG: all the way to can town  
PTG: and hang me like on a real gallows or some shit   
FGC: SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T >:]   
PTG: that is so fucked up   
CGA banned FGC from responding to memo.   
PTG: dude  
PTG: youd actually let her string me up because i didnt turn up for family dinner   
CGA: Apparently I Do   
PTG: shit   
CGA: Shit Indeed   
PTG: so question  
PTG: if this is like some open invitation and you expect everyone to turn up  
PTG: is everyone invited  
PTG: if you get my drift  
PTG: like everyone   
CGA: Its Not Nice To Talk About Karkat Like That Dave   
PTG: oh snap  
PTG: that was hella vicious kanaya  
PTG: congrats   
CGA: Thank You Dave  
CGA: No Doubt Hell Be Here Momentarily As You Alert Him To Said Snap   
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 124 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.   
PCG: WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A SCATHING ASSHOLE, MARYAM?   
CGA: I Think The More Relevant Question Is Why Have You Not Noticed This Fact Before Now   
PCG: LET ME GUESS. IT'S BECAUSE I'M THE ASSHOLE, ISN'T IT?   
CGA: I Didnt Say That  
CGA: Youve Always Been So Hard On Yourself Karkat   
PCG: YOU ARE SO FUCKING NASTY TODAY. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?   
PTG: tell me about it bro  
PTG: shes tearing you to shreds  
PTG: thats usually your job  
PTG: youre the biggest asshole to yourself  
PTG: shes got a point there   
PCG: STRIDER I CAN SEE YOU FROM WHERE I'M SITTING. DON'T MAKE ME CUT YOU.   
PTG: dude just stating the obvious   
PCG: I WILL END YOU.   
PTG: is that a threat  
PTG: because this shit is so on  
PTG: dont look at me like that   
PCG left memo.   
PTG: oh shit  
PTG left memo.   
CGA: Hmm  
CGA: This Conversation Explains Why They Were Both Lying Unconscious On The Common Room Floor Half An Hour Ago   
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC]  RIGHT NOW replied to memo.   
CGC: 1S TH4T S3R1OUSLY 4LL TH3Y W3R3 F1GH1NG 4BOUT?   
CGA: It Appears So   
CGC: J3GUS FUCK, TH3Y H4V3 SOM3 S3R1OUS SUBT3XT GO1NG ON   
CGA: Ive Been Thinking The Same Thing For Some Time Now  
CGA: This Would Be No Less Than Than The Sixth Time Dave Has Been Killed   
CGA: And I Dont Think He Has Done Anything To Severely Provoke Karkat  
CGA: Outside Of Being His Usual Self   
CGC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD T3LL TH3M WH4T TO DO >:]   
CGA: No I Feel That Would Only Make Things Worse  
CGA: Perhaps We Should Not Discuss This Here   
CGC: SHOULD 1 COM3 OV3R TO YOUR BLOCK OR 4R3 YOU BUSY?   
CGA: No Not Busy   
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW replied to memo.    
CTT: Can I interrupt for a moment, before you get up, Terezi?   
CGC: SHOOT, L4LOND3. BUT M4K3 1T SN4PPY B3C4US3 TH1S 1S GO1NG TO BE FUN   
CTT: I concur. But I think that, at least momentarily, we should be asking ourselves just how both of the boys managed to end up unconscious?  
CCT: Usually only one of them ends up in that state.    
CGA: Oh Dear  
CGA: Perhaps We Should Meet In The Common Room  
CGA: I Just Stepped Over Them Earlier  
CGA: Perhaps I Should Have Moved The Bodies Or Put Them In A Locked Room    
CTT: I'm sure we all would have done the same thing. Except for Terezi, who would no doubt have stopped for a good sniff first.    
CGC: SH3'S R1GHT, 1 WOULD H4VE   
CGA: Well I Will See You All In A Few Minutes   
CGC: YOU M34N YOU 4ND L4LOND3 W1LL M33T UP W1TH M3 1N 4 F3W M1NUT3S >:P   
CGA closed memo.

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board C4N TOWN'S F1RST HUM4N H4NG1NG! 

CGC: 4S YOU KNOW, D4V3 H4S R3FUS3D TO 4TT3ND THREE M34LS 1N 4 ROW  
CGC: 4ND TH4T TH3 PUN1SHM3NT FOR TH1S K1ND OF 1NSUBORD1N4T1ON 1S TO B3 H4NG3D BY TH3 THRO4T UNT1L H3 1S D34D  
CGC: OR UNT1L TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR G3TS BOR3D BUT L3TS F4C3 1T TH4T'S N3V3R GO1NG TO H4PP3N  
CGC: 4NYW4Y  
CGC: YOU'R3 4LL 1NV1T3D TO COM3 4ND W4TCH!   
PAST tentacleTherapist [PTT] TWO HOURS AGO replied to memo.   
PTT: Are you actually going to go through with this, Terezi?   
CGC: Y34H, H3'LL G3T B3TTER   
PTT: He might not appreciate being ripped from his bed in the middle of the sleep cycle just for this.   
CGC: H3 BROK3 TH3 L4W, L4LOND3  
CGC: H3 N33DS TO B3 PUN1SH3D TO STOP H1M FROM R3OFF3ND1NG >:]   
PTT: That's all well and good, but you wrote the law and surely you worked in a loophole specifically to avoid hanging Dave.    
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 W4NT TO AVO1D H4NG1NG SOM3ON3?   
PTT: My mistake. I'm sure you would have made a wonderful legislacerator had your planet survived.   
PTT: I have never met anyone quite so dedicated to their calling in life, and I assure you that my mother was quite dedicated to hers.   
CGC: YOUR F3M4L3 HUM4N LUSUS W4S N3V3R 1NVOLV3D 1N L4W 3NFORC3M3NT   
PTT: Her calling was to break every record that involved imbibing liquor set anywhere or anywhen in all of paradox space.    
CGC: SH3 SOUNDS F4C1N4T1NG BUT NOW YOU'R3 JUST TRY1NG TO D1STR4CT M3 FROM TH3 PO1NT    
PTT: I'd never.    
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] NINETY THREE MINUTES AGO replied to memo.   
PCG: SO ARE WE GIVING STRIDER ANY WARNING ABOUT THIS OR WHAT?  
PCG: BECAUSE I'M ALL FOR STRINGING HIM UP FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE BUT ISN'T THERE MORE SPORT IN GIVING HIM A RUNNING START?   
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] EIGHT HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.    
FTG: hey just so you know  
FTG: not cool bro  
FTG: bros dont let bros trigger happy girlfriends hang them   
FTG: especially not with an actual fuckin noose   
PCG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE KIND OF SHIT I NEED IN WRITING.    
FTG: seriously  
FTG: youre going to play that card  
FTG: oh shit i dont know jack about earth things  
FTG: how should i know egging on the murderous bitch is against the rules of brohood  
FTG: you broke the rules man  
FTG: sacred rules  
FTG: bet youre going to say you didnt know that was a thing either  
FTG: sacred rules of brohood  
FTG: well it is  
FTG: and just so you know  
FTG: encouraging her to hunt me the fuck down   
FTG: so she can hang me from the fuckin ceiling like its the wild wild west all over again  
FTG: breaks those rules  
FTG: sacred rules   
PTT: You're very cranky about all this Dave.    
FTG: hey rosie  
FTG: shut the fuck up  
PTT: you had a front row seat   
CGC: 1'VE ONLY S3T UP ON3 ROW OF S34TS   
FTG: you  
FTG: as for you  
FTG: just a heads up   
FTG: that i am not happy with you right now   
CGC: Y34H W3LL TH4T'S FUTUR3 M3'S PROBL3M  
CGC: R1GHT NOW 1'V3 GOT 4 TR41TOR TO H4NG >:]  
CGC left memo.   
PCG: HA-FUCKING-HA. I'LL GIVE IT ANOTHER HOUR BEFORE I LEAVE MY BLOCK FOR CAN TOWN. THIS SHIT I HAVE TO SEE.   
PTT: Should I meet you on the way, Vantas?    
PCG: LALONDE, I DON'T EVEN CARE. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST ENTERTAINING SHIT TO HAVE HAPPENED IN PERIGEES. I'LL BRING THE FUCKING PUFFED CORN KERNELS.   
FTG: fuck yall  
FTG left memo.   
CGC: J3GUS FUCK, FUTUR3 D4V3 1S TOUCHY  
CGC: S33 4LL OF YOU B1TCH3S SOON   
CGC closed memo. 

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board We Need To Talk About Boundaries

CGA: And Please Can We Keep This Conversation In The Present  
CGA: Past Selves Should Avoid This Memo As It Does Not Concern You  
CGA: Future Selves Should Restrain Themselves As They Already Know How This Pans Out  
CGA: I Feel We Need To Discuss The Events Of The Last Two Earth Weeks   
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW replied to memo.   
CTG: were not doing this shit kanaya  
CTG: i told you eight minutes forty seconds ago  
CTG: ill sort it out on my own   
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC]RIGHT NOW replied to memo.  
CGC: D4V3, I'M SORRY, OK4Y?  
CTG banned himself from replying to memo.  
CGC: ...  
CGC: S33?  
CGA: Yes I Do See  
CGA: It Has Only Been Two Days Since You Publically Humiliated Him  
CGA: And You Should Know By Now That Dave Is Quite Touchy When It Comes To The Subject Of Public Ridicule  
CGC: 1 W4SN'T R1D1CUL1NG H1M, H3 BROK3 TH3 L4W  
CGC: 1F YOU BROK3 YOUR OWN L4W 1 WOULD H4V3 PUT YOU TO D34TH  
CGA: I Do Believe You Terezi And Please Humor Me  
CGA: But How Would You Have Put Me To Death  
CGC: PROB4BLY JUST WOULD H4V3 ST4BB3D YOU  
CGA: Rose  
CGC: TH3 S4M3  
CGC: TH3N YOU'D B3 4 M4TCHING S3T  
CGA: What About Karkat  
CGC: 1 DUNNO  
CGC: PROB4BLY SUFFOC4T3 H1M W1TH ON3 OF THOS3 SUP3RFLUOUS SOFT HUM4N H34D R3STS  
CGC: OR DROWN H1M 1N TH3 LO4DG4P3R B3C4US3 H3 T4LKS 4 LOT OF SH1T  
CGA: The Mayor  
CGC: J3GUS FUCK K4N4Y4, WHY WOULD 1 K1LL TH3 M4YOR?  
CGC: WOW YOU'R3 FUCK3D UP  
CGA: Gamzee  
CGC: 1'D CHOK3 H1M W1TH MY B4R3 H4NDS  
CGA: And Yet You Chose To Hang Dave From The Pipes In Front Of Everyone On This Meteor  
CGC: LOOK, 1'M SORRY H3'S SO UPS3T BUT 1T'S NOT L1K3 1 H4V3N'T K1LL3D H1M B3FOR3  
CTG unbanned himself from memo.  
CTG: you went out of your way to make it a shitty time tz  
CTG: i was up there forever before rose stepped in  
CTG: and dont try telling me you had no idea i was having a shitty ass time  
CTG: and i know you were bitchin about it it later  
CTG: rose told me  
CTG: you were crying and flipping off the fuckin handle because you thought it counted as a just death  
CTG: so dont sit here and play dumb now  
CTG: you went out of your way to fuck me over  
CTG: in public  
CTG: so i think im fuckin entitled to be a bit touchy about the whole thing  
CTG banned himself from memo.  
CGA: Hes Still Quite Upset About It  
CGA: Terezi, it's Rose. You need to apologise to him and it needs to be a genuine apology. Not a 'sorry for making you upset', a 'sorry for ever thinking it was a good idea'.  
CGC: BUT 1T W4S 4 GR34T 1D34 UNT1L H1S N3CK SOM3HOW D1DN'T SN4P  
CGA: He's not seeing the humor in it yet. He might eventually, but not today. I haven't seen him myself since I checked in on him last night. Go find him and apologise.   
CGC: 1F H3 W4S R3ALLY SO UPS3T BY 1T, H3'D T3LL ME  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: No, he wouldn't tell you. What makes you think he would just come up to you and say 'Terezi, I've spent the night sulking and crying because you both physically and mentally tortured me in front of everyone'.  
CGC: H3'D T3LL M3 B3C4US3 W3'R3 HUM4N D4T1NG, 4ND 1'M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU C4N T3LL TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG TO WHO3V3R YOU'R3 HUM4N D4T1NG W1THOUT F34R OF B31NG CULL3D.  
CTT: Yes, but you're forgetting the most important part of this situation.  
CGC: WH1CH 1S WH4T?  
CTT: He's a boy and boys are notoriously stupid.   
CGC: OH  
CGC: H3'S NOT DUMB THOUGH, H3'D KNOW 1 W4S LY1NG  
CGC: 4ND 1T W4S SO MUCH FUN UNT1L 1T GOT CR4ZY  
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 134 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.   
FTG: just so you know tz  
FTG: its pretty much the poptarts that seal the mad apology you lay on me after this conversation  
FTG: the strawberry ones  
FTG: blueberry wont get you anywhere  
FTG left memo.   
CTT: Case in point.   
CGC left memo.  
CTT: What do we do if they both miss dinner?  
CGA: Spend A Delightful Evening With The Mayor And Karkat  
CGA: And Why Are You Still Talking To Me Here  
CTT: Because, Kanaya, you are all the way over there and I don't thinking shouting across the room is very civilised.   
CGA: Well I Will Join You Momentarily  
CTT: Stop trolling Terezi. Dave said they'll be fine so you don't need to walk her through this.  
CGA: Just A Few More Minutes Of Advice  
CTT: Kanaya.  
CGA: Yes Rose?  
CTT: Please close your husktop and join me on the couch.   
CGA left memo.  
CTT left memo.


	2. Fic

You take another sniff when future Dave's delicious text disappears from the screen of your computer. You give the monitor a small lick for good measure but he's definitely stopped responding. There it is, he's left the memo. Written in black, the notification had disappeared amongst all the other colours on your screen. You're sad to see him go but at the same time it's nice to know that in a few hours, he's talking directly to you.

The computer chimes again and this time Kanaya's fresh jade flashes up onto your monitor. But it's not in the memo, no, it's Trollian that wants your attention this time. You click onto the new window and there it is, her text reassuring like always. 

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

GA: Are You Going To Take Him The Poptarts   
CG: W3LL 1 GU3SS SO  
GC: S1NC3 1 4LR34DY KNOW TH4T 1 DO  
GC: 1'M GL4D H3 TOLD M3 TO BR1NG THE STR4WB3RRY ON3S THOUGH  
GC: 1 L1K3 TH3 BLU3B3RRY ON3S  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK TH4T 1F 1 TOOK THE BLU3B3RRY ON3S W3'D 3ND UP 1N 4 DOOM3D T1MEL1NE?  
GC: OR 4R3 TH3 STR4WB3RRY ON3S THE DOOM3D T1M3L1N3 B3C4US3 H3 D1DN'T FORG1V3 M3 4T 4LL   
GA: Youre Rambling   
GC: H3'S TRY1NG TO K1LL M3  
GC: WH4T 4 COMPL3T3 4SSHOL3  
GC: H3'S NOT OV3R 1T 4T 4LL  
GC: J3GUS FUCK  
GC: H3 IS SUCH 4 W1GGLER WH3N 1T COM3S TO DY1NG   
GA: Perhaps You Should At Least Apologize For The Method Of Execution  
GA: I Am Fairly Certain That He Is Most Upset About Being Hanged Rather Than The Act Of Dying Itself   
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
GC: K4N4Y4?   
GA: Im Sorry Terezi But I Think I Am Required Elsewhere Right Now   
GC: YOU M34N YOUR HUM4N MAT3SPR1T W4NTS 4LL YOUR 4TT3NT1ON   
GA: Well She Has Been Very Patient So Far  
GA: Hopefully We Will All See You And Dave At Dinner  
GA: At This Point I Would Not Like To Be Responsible For Carrying Out The Death Penalty On The Two Of You   
GC: YOU'R3 NOT FUNNY   
GA: Good Luck

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

You are not impressed by the lack of reassurance in that conversation. 

She's offline now as well, or idle, one of the two. Lalonde is still online and you consider starting up a conversation with her because as much as you want to sort this shit out right now, you're not exactly sure about facing Dave. As much as you tried to deny it only moments ago, you know he's upset. He's humiliated and embarrassed and all of those awful emotions that he never talks about, ever, but you know when they're there.

When you'd dragged him out of his flat and soft human recuperacoon the other night, you smelt his panic. It had faded into something different, something that had convinced you that the whole thing was going to be hilarious because when he stopped resisting he'd let you drag him to Can Town by the ankles. He was laughing and even though you were putting on your most serious Legislacerator act that didn't change anything. You were fierce and kicking criminal ass and he was just laughing and laughing, giving off his usual coolkid scent. There was no hesitation. Your nose doesn't lie. It isn't ever wrong. 

You still don't know what his smell is. You know it's his and you could find him from mile away because you know that smell. It's metallic like the inner mechanisms of an old clock, but at the same time it's warm and you can still smell LOHAC on him even months later. There's his earth Doritos and the ever present red pulsing through his veins and you still don't have a word for the combination that is Dave. One day you'll find the right word and you'll know it's the right word because you'll wonder how you never thought of it before. 

Even when he was standing on the chair with your noose around his neck he'd been laughing. Confidence. He didn't expect you to go through with the hanging. You could smell his cocky grin and everyone else could see it on his face. The smile faded, only momentarily, when you demanded that he empty his sylladex and his strife specibus. But he complied, a pile of useless junk appearing on the floor beside him. Your nose followed his sword as it hit the floor as well, leaving him completely unarmed. You didn't have to be a genius to sense the tension in the room after that move, because you knew what everyone was thinking - that it was all a big joke and one of you would stop before it went too far. Karkat was the most delicious, with his excitement wafting through to your nostrils, egging you on without words. Lalonde's nerves were on full display and even you could see her digging her blunt claws into her thighs - Kanaya had taken her hand to stop her from drawing blood, equally nervous. The Mayor was so agitated that he couldn't sit still. No one had fully believed you'd go through with it, not with this. 

You'd given a speech from your position on a second chair, from beside Dave. It was a good speech, he'd said as much. You'd talked about upholding the long standing traditions of the meteor with honour, meeting expectations for keeping everyone in line. He was common scum, insistent on defying the law and now he had to pay for his actions. It was treason - no, high treason! He was good for nothing, a meagre criminal with no respect for culture. You'd slapped him for good measure and tugged at the noose, ensuring it was tight while he mouthed off about your methods. Karkat had laughed at him and in return he'd raised a hand to flip him off. The tension was beautiful. You remember the mental note you'd made in that moment, to try and figure out what the fuck was going on between them because there was something there when you sniffed the air, faint, but definitely there.

You'd called for silence in the court but Karkat had kept going on and on, and you'd taken the chance to roll your eyes at Dave. The grin again. Rose and Kanaya were talking about something but you weren't listening because you were too busy kissing Dave and laughing with him. At some point Karkat had shut up and you're pretty sure it was around the same time Dave had kissed you back but it's a little blurry because you'd been busy discussing what he could do to get out of this cruel and unusual punishment. Nothing, you'd said. It was too late. Scum needs to be eliminated. You'd kissed him again, for good measure, and stepped down from you chair. 

You asked if there were any last words. 

Nah, he'd said. Shit's lame. Then he'd blown a kiss to the Mayor. 

While he and Karkat were laughing, and Rose was trying not to smile, and even Kanaya was stifling a giggle, you'd kicked the chair out from under him. 

The loud clatter of the furniture was nothing compared to the scream that followed. It wasn't even a scream. It was a strangled cry of shock, a noise that you hadn't ever expected to hear from Dave. His smell had changed too, overpowered by fear. You didn't know why at the time, he'd been killed before and he'd even been killed by you. It wasn't a big deal. You were still grinning. 

No one else was, you'd realised later. 

Dave was kicking, his toes pointed down trying to reach the floor. His hands grappled with the rope around his neck to no avail and you could hear him coughing and trying to catch a breath. His neck hadn't snapped. The rope was too long, or Dave was too tall, or didn't weigh as much as you thought he did. He hadn't dropped hard enough to snap the right vertebrae in his weak human spinal column and now he was going to take forever to die. You weren't sure if you had the patience for that. 

Your ears pricked at the sound of another chair toppling and you turned your attention away from Dave, shifting your focus to the Mayor. He was almost hysterical, you thought, because he was hard to read at the best of times. Too much black. Everything blended together. But now, with his arms waving and all the gesturing you had no idea what he was trying to say. 

Then came the shouting. 

You can't remember the individual words or complaints because they all came in one fell swoop. Rose was screaming something about you being a complete sociopath but you never did fully understand her earth psychoanalysis, so you'd ignored that. You were absolutely insane, it wasn't a game anymore, you lost track of the individual comments as they were thrown at you. Someone, probably Kanaya, pointed out that you'd crossed a line. Someone called for the Mayor, who's fading scent told you he'd run out of the room. Rose's footsteps had followed him out into the hall but she'd come back inside just as quickly, to keep shouting. There was more swearing than you'd ever heard in one room before and even Kanaya was using whatever words she could to get the point across. Too far, you've gone too far. It's not a fucking game anymore, you've fucking lost your fucking mind, Terezi, cut him the fuck down now.

It was too much to process, and all you could do was let the noise wash over you. Voices shouting, heavy footsteps, more shouting. Lalonde's voice was shrill and the only thing you could think about was how much it hurt your ears. Nothing about what she was saying registered. You stood there, unresponsive.

Then, almost two minutes after you'd kicked the chair, Karkat's scent hit you. Your head had snapped in his direction and you could almost hear the sweat dripping down the back of his neck. He still hadn't said anything. There, his hesitation. He wasn't going to step in because he still thought it was a game. You'd gone too far but you'd make it right like you always did. He thought it was just some regular old FLARPing and that usually worked out well enough in the end. But he was nervous as well, his panic slowly building. You heard his claws scrape the skin on the back of his own neck. If he said anything, you'd stop. You'd end the game if he started shouting. If Karkat had yelled at you to cut Dave the fuck down right now, you would have. But he stayed as quiet as he could, while Kanaya and Rose tried to talk you out of it. 

Then, terror. No longer fearing for his life but panicked by his current situation, Dave's smell had finally found its way to you. He was staring at you, you think, or in your direction. You could smell his eyes staring you down, pleading, because he couldn't hide from you behind his shades. He was struggling now, each attempt at drawing breath cut short by the building pressure around his throat. The best he could manage were short, sharp gasps punctuated by attempted coughs. He had reached upwards and grasped the rope above the knot, held his own weight long enough to draw in a shuddering lungful of air. His arms had given way though and you all watched as he dropped a second time and for the second time, his bones remained intact. He was wheezing by then and it was fascinating the way his cheeks flushed when he was so close to dying, you hadn't noticed it before. Maybe it was because he usually died in different ways. His hands had gone limp then, slipping from his neck as he tried to draw in another short, shaky breath.

You hadn't heard the clatter but you felt someone grab your cane and you didn't try to stop them, not even when a shoulder pushed you aside. 

Dave was dead, but it wasn't because of your noose. 

Rose had stepped in, unable to watch him hang any longer. She'd slit his throat, and death had finally followed only moments later. 

It was kind of beautiful, you'd thought at the time. He was still hanging but his clothes were covered in that delicious red and you almost, almost wished you could see him. You could imagine it though, and it was indeed beautiful. So much red, everywhere, and you may or may not have taken a step closer to get a better sniff because you weren't going to miss out on that, even if spilling blood hadn't been your intention.

While you were busy imagining what he looked like, Kanaya and Karkat were cutting him down. She supported his weight while Karkat set the chair upright so he could climb high enough to slice the rope with a sickle. You'd giggled at that, they should have done it the other way around. With Dave over her shoulder, Kanaya had lead everyone out of the room. 

Your noose was in pieces on the floor, sitting in a congealing puddle of candy red, where Karkat had thrown it after unravelling it from around Dave's throat. 

The whole thing hadn't exactly gone to plan. 

You're coming around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, Kanaya's right and you overstepped a boundary. You're not willing to say the entire afternoon was a bad idea because you'd managed to get Dave to kiss you in front of other people and that was a pretty big deal, since it's usually impossible to even get him to hold your hand. That was definitely a highlight of the afternoon. But you can accept that he's upset by the way things went down. Maybe he'd expected you to back down. He probably expected you to call a bluff before you literally left him hanging from the pipes. 

You tend to forget that humans are so touchy about this stuff. 

With a short huff you slam your husktop shut and snatch up a box of the strawberry poptarts from a shelf. You keep them in your block for emergencies of the best kind, when Dave decides in the middle of the sleep cycle that you both need to construct a kick ass fort right the fuck now, and he storms in with blankets in tow. He's always serious when he drags you to the floor because you're in the way. Sometimes he lets you sit there, in the middle of the floor, while he builds up the fort around you. You like that. 

He doesn't answer when you knock on the door to his respiteblock. You knock again, calling his name, but still nothing. You know he's in there because you can hear him listening to some of his earth raps and you shout as much through the door. Eventually you just try the handle and find it unlocked, although you're not sure if it was like that all along. You crack the door open and poke your head around into the room. 

He doesn't look up from his husktop, not even when you sit down on the empty chair beside his. You slide the box of poptarts across the desk until it bumps into his hand. Still without looking up, he grabs the box, removes one of the packages, and takes one of the pastries. He leaves the second tart lying on the desk and you slowly, slowly, reach over and pick it up between two fingers. He doesn't try to stop you. 

You've never really liked the silence and Dave knows that so he still hasn't entirely forgiven you. You had a plan of action earlier complete with an apology all planned out but now you're here, and he's still ignoring you, the words are gone. All you can do is sit there in silence, slowly shifting your chair across until you're right beside him, shoulders touching. He still doesn't look up. 

You want to call him a sulky wiggler but you think that might make things worse, so you go for a different approach. 

TEREZI: D4V3, 1'M SORRY OK4Y? 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 OK4Y W1TH 1T B3C4US3 YOU D1DN'T TRY TO STOP M3.   
DAVE: i didnt think id have to stop you from actually goin through with that shit  
DAVE: i sort of thought youd have some kind of filter for fucked up shit   
TEREZI: 1 K1ND OF DO BUT YOU'R3 4 HUM4N 4ND 1'M ST1LL TRY1NG TO R3M3MB3R 4LL TH3 CULTUR4L D1FF3R3NC3S.    
DAVE: murders bad  
DAVE: public humiliation worse  
DAVE: blueberry poptarts are worst   
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUR3 TH4T'S R1GHT?   
DAVE: you questioning me   
TEREZI: H3Y 4SSHOL3, 4R3 YOU UPS3T OR NOT?   
DAVE: im hella pissed tz  
DAVE: dont get me wrong  
DAVE: that was some fucked up shit you pulled  
DAVE: like so many levels of fucked up that if i tried to climb those stairs   
DAVE: id be outta breath by the time i got to kind of awkward  
DAVE: you follow   
TEREZI: NO   
DAVE: im pissed at you now  
DAVE: but probably wont be forever  
DAVE: and thats the end of this conversation   
TEREZI: SO WH4T NOW?

He doesn't answer. Kanaya said to give him space, so you give him space. When you stand up to leave his side you don't even stop to lick his cheek which he always says he hates, but he never really tries to stop you from doing it again. When he stops being a little bitch about the whole thing you're going to try and lick as close to his eyes as you can, just to see if you can get away with the attempt. 

You will get away with it, because Dave is terrible when it comes to upholding the law. 

He doesn't talk to you the entire time you're rummaging around his respiteblock. You're moving things, tossing things aside, ignoring the fact he usually would have flipped out at you by now for doing this shit. You're pretty sure he doesn't even look at you until ages later. It's probably earth hours later by the time you hear his husktop close. 

You pay close attention as he lifts up the corner of a sheet as quietly as he can. He's a bit of an idiot because he's constantly forgetting you can usually smell his thoughts before they've finished forming in his head. Sniffing out the fact he's trying to sneak up on you is wigglers' play. 

You act surprised when he throws himself down beside you. Okay, so there's no arm around your shoulders like there should be but he's still angry. Maybe later. You plan on sitting here all night if that's what it takes to make it up to him.

He's been through a lot of shit in the last few days and you're pretty sure that you're sorry. You're not sorry he died but you're sorry he got upset by your approach. You don't think you'll ever be able to properly explain it to him. Human dating is hard, you decide, especially when you're human dating a human. Maybe they're just too different. 

DAVE: sup tz  
DAVE: nice fort


End file.
